18. Dating

Hello! Its been a while since my last post. My absence from the blogosphere has not been down to illness, but more arbitrary reasons like Charity fund raisers, Seinfeld sessions but most often, laziness. So I am sorry. This post is about what happened today. I am sorry if its a little explicit.

A picture of a Chinese woman. Taken from Google. Thanks Google.

'Get a girlfriend!'

The useful pointer that has been thrust my way by many helpful people recently. Co-workers who have tried to communicate with me in Chinese and found it kind of a one way traffic situation have offered this invaluable advice. Hell, one teacher even promoted her daughter.

I'm not sure if I'm conservative or Liberal when it comes to these things. I see Western/Asian couples all over the place and both are very happy. But it gets a bad press in my book by the marriages for money and a passport situations. 

Anyway I was in a shoe shop last Friday and a nice Chinese shop assistant starts talking to me. We exchange numbers and later on in the week start texting.

Chinglish

 Her English was a little better than my Chinese. However I would reply to her texts in the pinyin form of Mandurin. Most of the times she could not understand me, so you'd get the 'What/Shenme' text but a few interesting looks at Chinese syntax came out of the texting when she did.

' When 10 clock I fished my work'........'Next day I have free time'.....'Morning? Afternoon? (When I said 'I finish work at 5')....... 'I will take you to a place to have fun, needed on the subway'......'Tomorrow we meet on the shose(shoes) supermarket'.

So a date sealed, the plan was to go skating at 9 in the morning. I was ready to embrace the Chinese culture even if it was at 9 IN THE BLOODY MORNING. Would we have a Girlfriend, number errrrr coming up?

 I went to bed Sunday night with an air of optimism. Saints had beaten Newcastle and although the Chelsea and the Liverpool game had both been fairly boring, it'd been a good day with two new teacher arrivals adding to the party atsmosphere. I woke however feeling like an extra from Shaun of the Dead. Chinese winters have a lot more bite in the morning, especially with no heating. The morning shower is a brutal examination of your kahunas!

I made it to the meet point, a 40 minute trip perfectly placed inside the Shanghai rush hour. The song 'Pulp-Common People' pumping in my ears. 'I wanna live like Chinese people' I thought to myself. Got to the shoe store where she worked, the meeting place. 8:55 I was bang on time, god I really am something else. One song and she'd be here. But the dreaded minute hand creeped past the 12 and continued clockwise, moving slowly, it carried on. I grew cold. I grew hungry. I looked around, hoping she'd show. If I'm honest I did make more than one second glance. But it was a no show. I'd been stood up. 

"Fair enough it serves you right" I hear one or possibly two of you say if you are by chance reading. I am guilty just like any other person of bad etiquette on dates. I remember once oversleeping by two hours to turn up very late for an 11am meet two years back. (I'd been on a close the night before (it didn't wash though)).

I waited a respectable length of time, but enough was enough and I went back to the station, bed was calling. Literally as I was about to get on the train. A text arrives.

'Sorry, i'm washing my close places waiting for me, i'm sleeping too late' 

Unbelievable only I can sleep too late. That's my line! I kind of read over the 'close places' really did not want to delve there at this time in the morning.

'Please waiting for me' she added.

Argh man. Going back to bed was so nearly an option but  I thought, what the heck I'll give her a second chance.

Communication Barriers

She soon arrived. You've got to wonder who on earth makes dates at 9 in the morning. I was of course tucking into these delicious pancake burgers I'd just found. Gave a typical tourist wave with a mouth full of tomato ketchup.

She'd dressed up massively from the work clothes I'd first seen her in. She was actually seriously alternative.  Dyed hair, which was thus ginger esqe, with huge frizzy things going on, trousers with zips in, I honestly thought oh dear Wessely oh dear.

If I'm honest, it didn't go well. Here is the list why: 

we didn't go skating. one thing i actually wanted to do.

she took me to see her friends shop and they all talked about something for about 10 minutes. there was too much laughing for my liking.

we technically went shopping. not a great alternative option from before mentioned skating.

she was eighteen years old. oh dear wessely oh dear.

she took me to a place on the very outskirts of shanghai.  i felt vulnerable.

she had a poor taste of music. apart from 'jerk it out'. 

she listened to her music non stop. you never knew if she was listening to you or not. 

every local stared at you. god if looks could kill. guy fawkes' execution would have looked tame to what mine was like.

On the plus side she taught me the phrase Ni dong da meaning I know. I'll probably soon find out that it actually means I am a massive goon or something.

Thankfully I had a valid reason of work to leave my first Chinese date behind. She was a bit surprised though and she felt I should take a taxi home as I didn't know the way. The taxi fare would have cost about a days salary. I feel the cultures are sensationally different. The safe bet is to go Western next time, however as they say, when in Rome. 

Yes, When in Rome indeed.


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I'd like to add that I do not often blog about my dates and then post it to the world on Facebook.
This will go into the realm of experiences in Shanghai and I ensure you I will never ever put you through the tough slog of my love life, ever again!
If you do see the girl I so aptly described please hold your own views. I don't want to feel like i got in the way of anything you know.